dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Randomize
