I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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