"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize