i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
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