You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
