I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
