hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
