The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
