You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
