Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
