I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
