He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
