So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
