glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
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