best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
