1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
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