Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
My Higher Power is John Stamos
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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