just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
