You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
