i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
