Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
