omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
