Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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