Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
