I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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