you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.