I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize