fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
