Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Randomize
