Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
