I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
