Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Drake has all the answers
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
