capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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