The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
