New invention idea: vibrating tampons
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
