I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Send help, water and tortillas.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
