you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
