i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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