instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
