So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
