we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
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Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
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Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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