He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
