I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize