I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
