I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
