hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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