You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
