I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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