the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
