You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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