I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
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No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
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Do I have a choice?
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I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
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I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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