So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
