Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
