make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
