I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
