do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
