I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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