I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
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It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
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His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
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