You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
