your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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