Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
