everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
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