We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
