Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
