Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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