I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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