11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
