I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
