jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
