Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
