My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
