He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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