Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
